I dont know….

Sometimes it happens i start isolating myself from the crowd, from my friends….there are billions of species on this earth..but why no one understand me….what i should do?should i stop trying to make others understand….feeling miserable…i know i must not feel like this….i knew expectations hurts…but yet i always start with expectations and end up with hurting myself….something inside me is hurting me….i cant explain it in words….what i am going through….at times i want to say many things….i want to hug him and cry out loud but i keep myself quite and calm….i prefer to sleep….as it helps me to forget everything…..no body can ever see my tears….sometimes….he shares his past….the time he miss his ex….it hurts me no…but tears roll over my eyes…but i control my tears just to cheer him up….

Advertisements

25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thgiwd
    Jan 24, 2015 @ 18:48:42

    Love and relationships are so hard when it ends. I’ve been there a few times in my life, your mind is filled with them constantly, you feel in the pits, people will tell you to get over it, move on. They can be horrible, a cheater, abuser, treat you bad but you just can’t turn it off like a light switch. I know I know, all i can tell you is what has worked for me, stopping all contact, trying to immerse myself in something new and every day the pain goes away a little by little. The thoughts will always remain but they will be further pushed back and one day you will smile again. All the best, interesting blog.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • uncnditionallove
      Jan 24, 2015 @ 18:59:46

      Hmm….i have been through….a break up….thats my first love….but at this very point i am too much confused….i dont know what to do….i am in love but he says because of his past he dont believe in love any more

      Like

      Reply

    • uncnditionallove
      Jan 24, 2015 @ 19:02:38

      I love him…so i cant leave him….but at times….when i expect something….then it hurts….he has feelings for me….that i can feel….but…i dont know what the hell i am doing…..my friends my brain everything is against me but my heart can never leave him alone my heart says he needs me….

      Like

      Reply

      • thgiwd
        Jan 24, 2015 @ 19:07:40

        While every relationship has it ups and downs, it should have more ups than downs. The heart thinks emotionally, while the mind thinks logically, once the two catch up to each other you can make the correct and best decision for your life. Until then you have constant battles of what decision to take.

        Liked by 2 people

      • uncnditionallove
        Jan 24, 2015 @ 19:10:08

        Hm….truely said….i dont want to plan anything….this time….i just know that i love him….every time i end up saying myself but i love him….i dont know whats gonna happen next…

        Like

      • uncnditionallove
        Jan 24, 2015 @ 19:10:28

        Thank you for your advice….

        Like

  2. uncnditionallove
    Jan 24, 2015 @ 19:07:48

    Thank you for reading….@thgiwd

    Like

    Reply

  3. Cyan Ryan
    Jan 24, 2015 @ 20:32:02

    Hey, thanks for the like on my blog. I have a quote to share:

    “Is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another?
    We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person’s essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?”
    ― Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

    I think we all want to be understood on a deep level, but it takes time to even get to know someone well. People change all the time too, little by little. I once loved a girl that i gave myself a year to get to know, but I screwed things up, trying too hard to be accepted by her, when she had already accepted me.

    I think if someone doesn’t already like us, we shouldn’t try to push them to. It can become all consuming, and actually push the other person away. I think love is a lesson learned in time, of many lessons. We don’t always get our first love, and not many people do. Many people in the United States fall in love in high school, and some marry their high school sweethearts, but often get divorced, because of marrying so young, when they are still in the process of finding out who they really are, who they want to be.

    Perhaps first loves, are better off not working out, as they often happen early on in life, and involve putting the one loved up on a pedestal, where they are imaged as more perfect and able to fulfill one’s needs more than they may actually be.

    I read some of your other posts and gleaned that you are from India, so there is a bit of a culture gap between us, but you do seem very into this guy, and it seems like there are barriers in the way. You will probably have to find your own way through this, it is hard to take advice when one is in love with someone, because it can be so consuming. You will probably do what you most want to do, and it may not be the most healthy thing for you. If it doesn’t work out with this guy, hopefully you will be able to look back on it all, and learn some things that will help your chances with another guy.

    Anyone who is in love, has the mindset that they could never love anyone else, but that is actually very rarely the truth, as time usually reveals. Everyone thinks they are the exception, but few ever are. I have felt your pain in the past, it’s intense and difficult, I know. Just know that what you are feeling is something a lot of people have felt in their lives, and try to find some comfort in that. I wish you the best.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • uncnditionallove
      Jan 25, 2015 @ 01:48:50

      Hm…knowing anyone….we can never know anyone completely….

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    • uncnditionallove
      Jan 25, 2015 @ 01:57:39

      Thank you for going through my post…..yupe…each and everything you told is true in my sense….but you know what….i am stuck in an unusual situation….yupe i love him….he is not my first love….both of us have had bad past….i do love him and he says he dont trust love anymore…..so thats the case…..and loving anyone else…..yupe i dont know the future may be i will start faling for someone else but i dont want that as i have sufficient pain and i cant bear anymore….so its better to stay back….thank you….

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  4. lisa c.
    Jan 30, 2015 @ 22:21:06

    I totally understand. I maybe *too* closely identify with you ー it is utterly painful to read your words. You express your emotions very well, which is to your benefit and strength, but also to your potential harm; for your health, your *must* not dwell. Yes, feel your feelings fully, but if you don’t mind me saying ー for your own sanity and happiness ー do it, but then MOVE ON. Work on moving on to the next thing in life. This is not light advice, but something to do with discipline, with your survival in mind. (Just because you’re not bleeding all over the place doesn’t mean you’re not putting yourself in mortal danger.)
    Ohe thing I didn’t learn ’til my mid-thirties: Overthinking *always* leads to negativity. Spending loads of time “figuring stuff out,” re-thinking stuff ー it’s just not good. It’s torture. You are sensitive, which means you are compassionate, have a lot to give ー give it to someone who deserves it. There is someone out there who will love you and deserve you. {Omg, when did I become this lecturing lame-ass??? I am sorry.}
    Most sincerely, I just want you to feel better ー from your sister sensitive girl who has found love to be painful but also the most wonderful, awesome, and rewarding thing ever! !

    Like

    Reply

  5. lisa c.
    Jan 30, 2015 @ 22:31:13

    I forgot! This quote says it all. How you get ppl to love you.
    “You demonstrate love by giving it unconditionally to yourself.
    And as you do, you attract others into life who are able to
    love you without conditions.”
    (http://bananamap.com/2015/01/25/the-courage-to-start-all-over/)

    Like

    Reply

    • uncnditionallove
      Jan 31, 2015 @ 04:30:11

      Thanks for reading it mam….nd very precious advice ….but you know what i dont have any control over my heart….so its not easy at all….nd moving on…i am scared….i have many pains nd i cant tolerate anymore….so though i know i dont have future with this guy….but i love him so i wanna be with him till the day i can….

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  6. lisa c.
    Jan 31, 2015 @ 07:40:28

    I TOTALLY get you. I could’ve BEEN you. . . not that you’re not entirely special, an utterly unique individual w/a totally different experience— of course. I just want you to know that I have been there, as well as a lot of people who have read your writing, like the kind people who wrote before me (HOLY! they wrote some really good things! Some good reminders/thoughts for me, too). . .

    I was stubborn about every guy that I’ve loved—liked, even. You’re right, it doesn’t feel like you have control over your heart, and there’s all this stuff around us — in movies, books, songs, TV, just the culture (in a lot of the world — that mirrors, confirms, even encourages people to sacrifice our own health and wellbeing for our hearts. Do it for love.// I did it for love. // Love made me do it. // He/she died “for love”. Etc, etc. This is romantic melodrama—this is fiction, not reality. Love is a wonderful thing that can bring people together, give people the will to survive—yes, I believe it! But it isn’t a force for destruction! Do you agree? Would you want any harm to come to this guy of yours because of the love you feel for him? Then why should harm of *any* kind fall on YOU because of love??
    Before ANYTHING AT ALL, *you* need to start living every slow moment — moment by moment — replacing every thought of him with the thought of ♡YOU♡. Every minute, your heart may hurt, but just breathe, calm yourself, and ask yourself, How am *I* doing? Do *I* need anything? What would make *me* feel better right now? What things make me feel good/ cheer me up? — just breathe. stay calm. Remember it’s not selfish, it’s your RESPONSIBILITY to love and take care of yourself. Show that unconditional love that you are bursting with (it’s the $&:#% name of your blog!!) TO YOURSELF. And like a garden that’s suddenly taken care of, by a brilliant gardener (you= the unconditional love SPECIALIST! Look how much time and love energy, creativity and focus you generate and spend on this man you’re *not* supposed to love!! Omg, right!) — You’ll be like those flowers in the garden. JUST WATCH. YOU WILL BLOOM! Of course I don’t know you, but I’m betting that if you just concentrate for a few weeks on focusing all that love and attention ON YOURSELF (I know, it’s hard. Everything is hard at first. But you can do it. And it’s only this first time that will be hard like this.) — Just by gradually taking care of yourself, learning to just SHOWER YOURSELF with LOVE and making it your DAILY GOAL to MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY (maybe not in the beginning, but later on), you will BLOOM like a FLOWER! And that guy—and most likely ALL guys, EVERYBODY with eyes— will notice and flock to you. Not that you’d want that necessarily… But I’m saying that it won’t be a question of “TRUSTING LOVE,” it will be about wanting to be around someone who knows so *clearly* what makes themselves happy, that they have the freedom to look beyond themselves, to let others in more easily, and — pls believe me — others will want to be around you.

    I sort of short-cutted the middle — ha! you prob don’t believe me — cuz I wanted to get to WHY, before I spelled out details. This is too long already. Sorry!
    Sounds like you’ve been in this suffering zone just wayy too long. <

    Like

    Reply

    • uncnditionallove
      Jan 31, 2015 @ 13:00:11

      shall i call you sis? okay today i have been with him for a long drive….the fact is different…actually i think he is a bit confused and scared too to get into any relationship…he is scared of hurting me,..actually i am an indian…my family is modern so they have no issues with inter caste marriage but his family is conservative….so though he like me but he cant think about any future with me….and there are many more complexities…you are right at some point that i must move on and love myself….but with him i feel alive…i dont have any siblings…and always lived alone…so at some part i am craving for love…but his presence is temporary in my life…

      Like

      Reply

      • lisa c.
        Jan 31, 2015 @ 16:59:04

        Hi! We are *so* parallel! My ethnicity is Asian (Far-East) which shares many restriction- and bias- heavy traditions that are still held very highly (and enforced very strictly) upon the younger generations — I can imagine how difficult (impossible, maybe) your Romeo/Juliet romantic pairing seems to be. . . Very complex *indeed* (!!) when you bring families and culture into love, when love is difficult already by itself. You have my compassion. BUT, you say your family is «modern», so the picture is not all bleak, right??
        Another parallel: I’m an only child as well!! Alone, the mini-grownup—do you often squash your feelings [as adults seem to be able to do so skillfully,] pretend to be fine while not breathing, then quietly escape to your room to let our all your emotions?? That’s what I used to do. I felt like the “adult-caretaker”, because they never could handle a single leak of emotion from me w/o discomfort. . .

        Sorry! Enough about me; didn’t mean to go in that direction at all. Do you feel like you will just enjoy this time with him now — this is a « limited » time, as in, there is an end soon, that both of you are dreading? — like valuing/treasuring this long drive you went on today, and as you said before, spending as much time as you can with him, even tho much of it may tear you apart emotionally? If this time is in fact temporary, and both of you know and accept it, perhaps you can come to an agreement together that you will make it as pleasing and wonderful as possible, and avoid talk that will cause you pain. You have written that he is a helpful, caring person, who would never knowingly inflict harm on a friend. . Well, since he cares about you, he will agree to your terms: no talking about exes (either of you); no excessive talking of why he cannot be with you (as your heart interprets it as rejection, and you come away feeling injured, harmed by the interaction—)

        I think maybe a good way to judge, if you are so in love that it’s hard for you to think straight (see, I’ve been there!! (-_^) ), here is an example of one kind of test: After your little discussion w/him setting your new rules to protect both your hearts a bit so you can enjoy some last hours together, hang out together and try to observe your new guidelines. Afterwards, at home or at school or whatever, check in w/yourself:
        1) Do I feel good? Healthy?
        2) Am I feeling worse than before I saw him or better?
        3) Do I feel better about myself as a person or more unsteady about myself?
        4) Do I feel hurt or rejected by him, and is it due to some conversation we had?
        5) Do I feel the need to isolate myself from the world for a bit, just to recover myself? “Locate” myself and get ahold of myself again?

        Just generally check in to how YOU feel and if the hang-out was beneficial for you, or pulled you back and — well, I don’t need to tell you. You are intelligent; u know what I’m saying. (And you know who Im pulling for in this. [You.] [Actually I’m pulling for *BOTH* of you, but since I’m writing to you right now, I’m caring about YOU right now!!!.

        Ok, Unconditional L — tell me what to call you, pls! — I have once again written too much and am late for my nxt mtg. I love sis! And you can call me Lisa as well♥︎!💗💞💕 hope I made some sense to you. Take care of yourself. You’ll think more clearly, make better decisions if you sleep well, eat well, etc!! Take care!👍
        ❤️, L

        Like

      • uncnditionallove
        Feb 01, 2015 @ 15:27:51

        email me at nibeditapaul6@gmail.com
        i am nibedita

        Like

      • uncnditionallove
        Feb 01, 2015 @ 15:29:12

        thank you sis…your advices are soothing….stay in touch….

        Like

      • uncnditionallove
        Feb 01, 2015 @ 15:36:12

        i am happy that he shares things with me…i will always be there when he needs me…but something inside me hurts…yesterday after all drive and all…then he was telling that at some place he is missing his ex…i have just consoled him…then i started crying….so then he comforts me….by diverting my mind..today he told me…that he is not ready for relationship….he treats me as if i am the closest one…i know at this point i am close to him as he shares each and every thing with me…but somthing is there which is acting as obstacles…my birthday will be there next week…i will ask him to spend some time with him… and this time i will make sure that i can make him understand that what he really mean to me….please stay connected sis…i really want your support…

        Like

      • lisa c.
        Feb 02, 2015 @ 05:44:29

        I’m sorry, I have to say — out of experience—hanging out w/him more will only prolong pain! He has answered all your questions, and he knows how you react when he speaks of his ex-love. It is only hurting you *over* and *over*. If this was happening to your sweetest, bestest friend, would you want her to continue getting hurt, or would you want to protect herself, learn to be happy in love—BECAUSE SHE DESERVES REAL LOVE. Not this man who talks about someone else, who spends long drives w/her, let’s her comfort him, support him, but then says to her—”I don’t want a relationship”. Then why share everything w/you, act like he cares?

        It is not worth thinking further because we know the facts we need. You love him, you want to tell him. He has told you he is not ready. This means you go off to live your wonderful life. If he is not aware of his feelings for you, you cannot MAKE him aware; he will figure it out himself. And the sooner you are not always available to him, the quicker he will realize this. For now, you must believe your older sister, I think you might regret the feelings you have if you tell him how you feel and not get the reaction you would like. That is really a terrible feeling. Let’s not put you through that. You are a talented, bright young thing—you can live for yourself, thrive, experience all that life has to show you. . . In six months, a year, you will be laughing with your friends, having a marvelous time, and a guy will pass that kind of looks like your guy now. You’ll scratch your head, thinking why did I waste time with someone too blind not to see all the great things about me! And you’ll stop to picture him in your mind, and wonder . . . Wait. Just what did I find so amazing abt him again? Two days later the phone will ring (because boys are always so much slower abt these things) : “N! I was so stupid! I thought I was scared to fall in love, but I was ALREADY in love, w/you! I’ve been such a fool, turning you away all the time, yet keeping you all to myself, away from all others. You spoiled me w/your sweetness, selflessness! You are my one & only!!!” But by then you’ll have met someone who appreciated you from the very minute he met you, and his admiration has only grown since then! There was no comparison to your boy-crush! ー//— The End
        Did you enjoy your fan fiction? This was to illustrate how you need to shift focus onto YOU, your feelings!!

        Like

      • uncnditionallove
        Feb 03, 2015 @ 04:54:49

        thanx…everytime i get moved moved by your advices…at present i am foccussing over my studies and career…he is with me…i dont know how long…i dont know sis…what iswhat is restricting me from moving on…

        Like

  7. lisa c.
    Jan 31, 2015 @ 07:45:53

    could also be a happy blog (?) I am sorry if I come off preachy. . . I know I’m much older than you, but honestly I’m not [I don’t feel like it]. Let’s just say, (1) I’m not THAAAT much older than you; (2) My bf now is my first “grownup” relationship (ha!); (3) Please don’t call me “ma’am”! Thank you! Much love, Lisa

    Like

    Reply

  8. lisa c.
    Jan 31, 2015 @ 07:54:17

    *beginning got cut off. “Unconditional Love”… is missing!

    Like

    Reply

  9. lisa c.
    Jan 31, 2015 @ 08:18:01

    I’m sorry, I have to write one more thing. I thought a little, and it occurs to me that you might be in a situation that is complex and you cannot distance yourself. This might be why your pain cannot just naturally fade away, like wounds w/time?
    It also occurs to me that I may be projecting, at least culturally, to a large degree. I might be — very insensitively and ignorantly—acting like a mini-Oprah here when I do not know the details of your situation at all. If I have overstepped, I apologize! A lot of the things I have said to you were things that helped me to get over my own pain, but they may not apply at ALL to your situation. I wrote so confidently at first because I genuinely felt like—since I had identified w/your feelings so strongly, that our circumstances must be parallel as well. But maybe that assumption was too quick, and maybe faulty?

    Anyhow, please feel free to tell me if I have overstepped, or am totally off-base w/my attempts at advice. I’m not accustomed to being the one GIVING the advice — a new role for me, as I’m usually the recipient of relationship advice!

    I promise: no more messages tonight!
    ♥︎Lisa

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: